2010 - Start writing again

Never before have I gone this long without journaling in some way. I'm honestly confused as to why it's happening - that I just don't have anything to say. Actually, that's not right. I have a lot to say. I think the difference is that, in a weird way, I've found my voice in person and have had nothing to get out independently. I've always been a communicator, but these days I over-communicate. I've been drawing boundaries, expressing feelings and clearing up misunderstandings. I've been voicing my insecurities, my frustrations, my hopes and my dreams. I've been doing so much damn talking, I haven't had a whole lot of time to reflect. And reflection (and bitching) has always been what most of my journaling has been about.

2010 started out right. It's been the best time I've had since my early 20's. I was selfish, I made some difficult choices, I took a lot of action. It's been a very external time for me. Thank goodness, as I was about to explode internally. But tonight as Chris and I had one of our future-at-a-glance discussions I realized things weren't going to stay this way. A lot is coming down the pipeline. Issues with our families, new work situations, me possibly going back to school. The selfish fun is going to minimize a bit as we reevaluate and renegotiate our life. And this certainly will bring me back to writing. I think a fragment of why this year has gone so well is because I spent some time out of my head. Because of this my anxiety abated, I stopped analyzing so much and I was able to gain some fresh perspectives regarding a lot of issues. And I stopped writing. And because writing is no longer routine (a first in over 10 years), when I do write it feels awkward and fragmented. It feels uncomfortable. Which is why I've stopped. But yet here I sit, writing away, once again figuring out things about myself as I type and I realize how much I've missed it. Hopefully I can get back to it soon enough.