Reset # 284

After a week that was comparable to the entire year of 2009, I think things have finally managed to settle down once again. Of course, not before we Dawson's had to clean house again, both literally and figuratively. And not before I had to go through some more self-examination after a series of wild accusations. Again.

There is something about me that attracts crazy. Of that much I have become certain. I am a firm believer that if you continue to experience the same type of drama it must be you who is creating that drama in some way. I'm willing to accept my role in these things, if only I could completely discern what it is I'm doing. Others have thrown out suggestions: "Perhaps it is your bluntness." Or, "Perhaps your need to communicate and clarify make others uncomfortable." Either way, the message is the same - I need to shut up. And truly people, I'm working on it. In fact, I've accomplished a lot of shutting up this year (seriously, you have no idea). But if you want me to continue shutting up, you need to do two simple things: Don't bring your shit to me AND don't ask. Plain and simple.

Whew, okay... that said... I have had to do another 2010 'Reset' this year. It took a little longer to accomplish than expected. For a week the house was trashed and I wanted nothing more than sleep. It all climaxed with an anxiety attack that was, quite simply, beyond insane (note to self: stay away from Excedrine Migraine at 3am - it contains CAFFEINE!) But thankfully that attack served to push me into the much needed 'Reset'. Now, three days later, the house is clean (or getting that way, at least), the crazy is gone (for now, at least) and my spirits are high. I'm back to "okay" - and these days that's all a stay-at-home-mom-dealing-with-the-outside-crazies can ask for.

To new beginnings...

I haven't liked my other blog for quite some time. After about a month of it I started to feel it was too depressing. And seeing as I'm a fan of The Secret, having my personal space titled "Fearing the Fall" - well, it makes sense to me why last year sucked so bad (and it scares my superstitious self). But in 2010 I'm running things different. I want a brighter space. A place that feels more comfortable. And something that doesn't have "Fear" in the title.

So welcome here. If you found me through my last blog, thanks for making the jump. As for the title of this blog, I feel a need to explain. During one of my many late night internet expeditions I came across the "Floating Man" thought experiment. Here's a basic synopsis (taken from Wikipedia):

"While he was imprisoned in the castle of Fardajan near Hamadhan, Avicenna described the earliest known thought experiment, now famously known as the "Floating Man" thought experiment to demonstrate human self-awareness and the substantiality of the soul. He referred to the living human intelligence, particularly the active intellect, which he believed to be the hypostasis by which God communicates truth to the human mind and imparts order and intelligibility to nature. His "Floating Man" thought experiment tells its readers to imagine themselves in the air, isolated from all sensations, which includes no sensory contact with even their own bodies. He argues that, in this scenario, one would still have self-consciousness. He thus concludes that the idea of the self is not logically dependent on any physical thing, and that the soul should not be seen in relative terms, but as a primary given, a substance."

Now I'm most definitely NOT a philosopher (as much as I'd like to understand general philosophy, much of it goes over my head), but I thought there was a parallel to motherhood in here somewhere. You can discover the connection on your own, because again, I'm not really smart enough to articulate my connection, other than I found one. Hence, "Floating Mom".

So here's to hoping this new blog will be the beginning of a new year which in turn will be new luck. And hey, if not, I'll just start again with a new blog next year with f'n sunshine and flowers.